Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
