My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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