I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
