I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
ok first of all what the fuck
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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