I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
