Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i've created a new STD.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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