dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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