every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
