my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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