I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
