Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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