watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
