my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
