I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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