hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He felt like a one man threesome
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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