my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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