he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Green mimosas i think yes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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