yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You are a genius and a whore.
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