get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my shit smells like andre
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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