the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
