I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
