my mouth tastes like poor choices
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
