I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
