we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
