@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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