is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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