Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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