This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
