We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
