would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You made out with two different species that night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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