your thong is hanging out like whoa
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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