I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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