True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
