you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
