Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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