I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
