you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
