It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
