I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
