An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
