Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
