Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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