i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
