Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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