I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
