I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
