i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
