so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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