doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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