it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME