Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My friends, they love my intelligence
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.