Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me