Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with