Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
