why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
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I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
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CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic