mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
