u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
