About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
