So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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