I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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