i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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