so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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