You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
