Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
