I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
