Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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