i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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