I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
