the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
